The following is a note that Hawk’s younger brother, Penn (no pun intended), wrote to his brother a few weeks ago after my husband, also their father, screamed at Hawk after finding six empty hard seltzer cans in the recycling bin.
“Bro, sorry for Dad yelling at you. Idk if you got my text, but it pretty much said what this note says. I believe you about those (cans) being from months ago but I can see why Dad wouldn’t trust you. But I believe you. Whatever you do, don’t get back on drugs. They already did enough to this family. Don’t forget to read that prayer book (that Penn gave to Hawk while he was in rehab) unless you finished it. Maybe search up Bible verses, but just know that I love you and Jesus loves you. Don’t give up.”
Last night Hawk confided that his last random drug test might come back positive for marijuana.
He left his second substance abuse and dual diagnosis rehab on January 18.
He had been making progress with a new job and virtual school but said that he was feeling pressure because of school and slipped up.
He knows that he may have to go back to group therapy if the test is positive. And he knows that I want him to go to an AA meeting this week and call his sponsor or tell us if he’s feeling like using.
He also said he thinks he was born as an addict because he’s always been fascinated by drugs and alcohol. I do remember elementary teachers mentioning that he was talking about wanting to drink alcohol at school as early as third or fourth grade.
It is a challenging time for him. He’s a junior and he’s getting ready to take his ACT in April and we’re looking at colleges or trades, etc.
I am proud of him for being transparent but anxious for him to tell my husband/his dad.
I’m also worried because he was acting kind of weird last night and it was reminding me of previous intoxicated behaviors.
I’m doing my best to remember that I don’t have control and I’m reading the How Al-Anon Works book now, trying to attend at least one Al-Anon meeting a week, hoping to make Wednesday night’s SM meeting, and trying to keep myself healthy.
I don’t know what else to say except I’m thankful to have several support groups to help me navigate this unpredictable journey.
And as they say, “The truth always reveals itself.”
